Changes Part III: Mommy

Remember the movie Mr. Mom when Michael Keaton fell into a low point as a stay at home parent? One of my favorite scenes from the movie was when he was busy watching a soap opera ironing and his son approached to complain that his grilled cheese sandwich was cold. Without taking his eyes off the TV, Keaton threw the sandwich under the iron, blasted it with steam, and then sent the boy on his way.

That's about how our life is right now.

I'm thinking that I may not be cut out to be a stay at home parent after all. The boredom, the isolation, the monotony...all of it has finally leveled me to the point where I'm pathetically whimpering, "No more, please, no more!" It used to be fun - I visited with other mom friends a lot and we went to tons of cool places. But since the therapy it's gotten to where I interact with a non-therapist person 2-3 times A MONTH. And with therapy and nap schedules, we aren't having a lot of time for fun stuff. Even worse, I've become a pile of mush intellectually. I can't speak in complete sentences anymore, I'm constantly entering a room and forgetting why, and at any given moment I have half a dozen partial to-do lists floating around the house - attempts at organization but inevitably reminders that I'm not accomplishing much.

Perhaps I should stop making the lists, at least then I wouldn't remember I'm not accomplishing anything.

So our decision process about what to do this fall not only involved Michael and Laurel's needs, but Mommy's needs too. I love the kids with every fiber of my being, but at this point it is decidedly in their best interest that I GET AWAY FROM THEM. Hence Laurel going to daycare one day a week. Now I will actually be able to get my hair cut (or teeth cleaned) without it turning into a major what-do-I-do-with-the-kids production. I'll get some time to clean the house and perhaps even go to the gym. Ahhhhh....

And then on Wednesdays and Fridays after I drop Michael off at at his regular preschool, Laurel and I will come home and she'll immediately go down for a nap. That means on those days I will have 1-2 hours of NO KIDS. I can start dinner, clean, work in the yard, actually get some projects done...the list is endless. Between the daycare day and the little breaks on the other days, I think I will be able to recharge my battery and get back up to speed. In a way it feels like I've hit my wall, the finish line is in sight and I just have to hang in there until I cross it. Once I'm across, I can relax and regain my (mental) strength.

So the second week in September is my finish line. Even though it is still two weeks away, just KNOWING it is so close has already helped me mentally. The other day I went with Laurel to sign her up at the daycare, and as we were leaving you could see a group of two-year-olds through the window of one of the classrooms. They were gathered around a rainbow parachute and shrieking in excitement as it waved up and down. I contrasted it with the life Laurel has been living lately: sitting on the recliner watching hours of TV while her mother mentally escapes on the internet (the modern day equivalent to soap operas).

Yep - this is going to be good for everyone.

The other BIG! NEWS! is I've decided to try and start a photography business. It is very much in its infancy (I don't plan to bring in revenue until next year) but it is something that will hopefully challenge my brain to regrow. And it will be something to do that isn't related to being a mother. It seems counter intuitive but it is so true: having something in your life, even if it may take time away from the family, ultimately makes the family healthier because the family does not function well if the mother is catatonically sitting on the couch muttering the ABC song over and over. As Ken likes to say, "If Mommy's unhappy, everyone's unhappy."

My first step in starting the business was upgrading my camera, and I'm now the PROUD owner of a Canon 40D (course an L-series lens would be nice, but I think I'm a few years away from getting one of those). Anyway, I had the camera for a whole week and tragically had barely any time to turn it on, so the other day I took the kids to Jenkins Estate to have an excuse to mess with the buttons. Of course, the light kept changing and many times I forgot to watch my settings so the exposure/color casts are pretty awful. I'll blame it on the models - they were COMPLETELY UNCOOPERATIVE. They are sooooooo fired.

Laurel bunny-hopping across a bridge:


"Michael, could you please sit in the tree and look at Mommy? No, not at the ground, not at the tree...at Mommy. HEY - OVER HERE."


"Laurel, could you sit still for a second so Mommy can take your picture? No, please stop climbing. Just sit on the branch. NO, STAY RIGHT THERE."


Laurel sniffing the flowers....from two feet away:


Michael (surprise surprise) making full contact:


He even hugged a mossy tree:


My attempt to get a pic of the kids being playful: run real fast across the field, tell them to "come get me" and then take a zillion pics as they approach:


I didn't initiate this - they actually decided on their own to race down the gravel hill on their butts: