SUCH a boy

Laurel usually wakes up most mornings and immediately poops in her diaper. Or worded differently, Laurel's body decides to poop every morning around 7am and the sensation wakes her up. Either way, when I open the bedroom door to get her I'm assaulted by the pungent odor and have to immediately change her. I'm actually kind of glad that her system works this way as it means the most disgusting aspect of my job is over before I even have a cup of coffee. The day can only get better, right?

Anyway, earlier this week I was busy cleaning Laurel's poop-smeared butt when Michael decided he wanted to take off his jammies and diaper too. No problem, he's done this a zillion times. Once he was naked I asked him to go put his dirty diaper in the kitchen garbage. He loves doing this, so he grabbed the diaper and gleefully raced off down the hall to throw it away. I was finishing cleaning Laurel when he returned.

"Pee carpet!" he informed me.

GREAT. I had just cleaned a screaming/kicking/flailing Laurel of liquid black poop (she ate a lot of blueberries the day before) and now I had to go clean the carpet. Suddenly the day wasn't looking so good. I got up, disposed of Laurel's diaper, washed my hands and went exploring for Michael's wet spot. Not in the hall, not in the playroom...where could it be?

"Where did you pee?" I asked Michael. "Can you show Mommy the pee?"

Michael headed into the kitchen, and for a brief moment my mood lifted as I realized he had peed on the FLOOR, not the carpet. BIG difference when it came to cleanup. He pointed to the floor in front of the kitchen sink, and that's when I saw the two foot long puddle of yellow urine. The kid must have held it all night based on how much was pooled against the cabinetry.

I got out the paper towels to clean it up, and as each handful got saturated with pee I threw it in the garbage. Then I got the wipes out and wiped everything down. It was as I was throwing the last handful of wipes into the garbage that I noticed the can was...well...wet. So was the bottle of dishwasher detergent next to it. And the bottle of Dawn. I started pulling things out of the cabinet under the sink and found the Bon Ami and Bi-O-Kleen were also wet. So was the Windex. Apparently Michael started to pee while he was throwing away his diaper and pretty much sprayed the entire interior of the cabinet. So I got the pleasure of cleaning under my kitchen sink before 8am.

As for Michael, I denied him all fluids for the next few days as punishment. I'm sure he'll never do it again.